"The trouble is, you think you have time." -- Buddha
Why do we believe we have all the time in the world to change, and why is that a 'trouble'?
I don't know how old you are, but I'll be 37 years old pretty soon. Still young, right? If everything goes the way it supposed to, I'll be on this planet for another, perhaps, what; -- 40 to 50 more years? Life expectancy is pretty high these days, and we all expect to arrive to an age of, - let's say at least - 80 years. But how much time 80 years really is? If we think of it in terms of years, it might seem to us almost as long as infinity. Especially when we are at the very beginning of that number, -- when our journey on this Earth had just begun.
But what if we looked at it from a different perspective? What if we stopped thinking in terms of years? We know that 80 years, in most parts of the world, is made of 80 springs, summers, falls, and winters. Wow, this means we are here on this Earth for only 80 summers! And that's if we're even lucky to live that long... Can you imagine; -- our entire life contains such short number of seasons. Is 80 summers, or winters really that much? Doesn't seem like, does it, when we look at it this way?
So if Buddha was right, it means that we might be indeed in trouble here... We might think that we have more time that we actually do...So why wait then? Why do we want to keep postponing the inevitable change that has to take place within ourselves? Why do we keep resisting it with such stubbornness, while kicking and screaming to avoid the discomfort that comes with such change?
I don't know about you, but I'm done with this kicking and screaming. I am ready to be who I really am (as opposed to knowing it on intellectual level only) and I am ready to live in such new way.
What is that mean? It means I commit to the new me. I commit to always being forgiving, accepting, compassionate and loving. I commit to the Truth. I commit to feeding the part of me that has understanding for everything and everyone, instead of feeding my ego. Trust me, if anyone knows how challenging that can be, it would be me...
My ego had been bruised so many times, it's not even funny. But each bruise assisted me with liberating myself from the grasp that the ego had on me. Each pain, and each hurt was nothing but a true blessing. It brought me that much closer to remembering who I really am, -- who we all are -- and thus it brought me to a realization that the hurt (the harm) is not real!!!! That the harm is only an Illusion, like everything else in this physical world. If we look beyond the Illusion, we will see that there is nothing else but unconditional love!!! We will see that each and every single one of us is made of such love, and thus we all have nothing else but love for each other. Our fear, our anger, and even our hatred is not real. It's pretend. It's only a game that we play with each other. On a deeper level, on a level where we remember who we really are, -- fear, hatred [insert here any negative and painful emotion you wish] simply does not, and could not -- exist!
How liberating is that. But I would understand if you would start shaking your head right now, while saying things like: "Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's all beautiful, isn't it. Maybe for you, not for me. You don't know what it's like to be me and to live my life."
Well, actually, I do. Just because I was able to free myself from the Illusion does not me that I am the next Dalai Lama, and that bad things don't happen to me anymore, or that I don't get affected by it.
Just yesterday, my husband had told me that he wants to divorce me. I agreed to sign the papers. I agreed to move on without resisting the unwanted situation, and without putting up a fight. Of course this isn't the first time the two us have had the 'divorce talk'. Discussions that led to considering of such possibility were brought up by both of us in the past. Somehow we've learned to endure the hardships brought by the institution of marriage, and we've learned to deal with it while always trying to do our best. Still, does it it hurt to feel rejected by someone who you love and with whom you planed to spend the rest of your life? You bet it does. Is it painful to know that the person you've been the most intimate with doesn't seem to want you around them anymore? Of course it is. Have I been tempted to nourish the self-destructive thoughts, such as -- "obviously I'm not good enough"? Yes, I have been, many times. And even though I know that the main reason my husband told me what he told me, is not because he actually wants the divorce, but it is because he hopes that by threatening with it, he will make me change -- it still hurts. How do I know all that? I know it because I did the exact same thing to him before. I've tried changing my husband while using the divorce threat, before I finally understood that the only person I can change is me.
Fortunately, I am not left without a choice here. It is up to me to decide whether I chose to be bitter, vindictive, and full of anger (hatred), or whether I chose to be understanding and compassionate instead. And so I chose to understand that the reason my husband could not love me the way I expected, and hasn't felt loved by me the way he expected, is not because we did not love each other. It was because we did not know how to love ourselves! It was because we were looking for the love outside of ourselves; -- in a partner, where it doesn't exist. We failed (both of us) to look for, - and to depend on - the love within ourselves, and within ourselves only. This understanding allows me to see the pain that my husband feels, and it allows me to understand how such pain made him to arrive to such decision of going separate ways. I cannot hate him for something he has no control over (since he cannot see it). I can only be grateful for everything he gave me, and for everything he taught me about myself. I can only be grateful for the time we've shared together, and which played the major role in my overcoming of depression. Without him next to me it would be a lot harder, if possible at all, to heal from my chronic depression, and to reach the liberation -- not just from depression, but on the spiritual level as well. He's been there for me in more ways than he even probably recognizes. He's been there to assist me with waking up, even though he hasn't realized that yet. In that sense, he gave me more than I could ask for. Therefore, all I have to do is to keep reminding myself that I only have control over myself, and no one else. And that the control over my own self, my thoughts, my emotions, and all that -- is all that I need.
So if I could tell you anything, it would be something that we were all told from the beginning:
"Love thy enemy."
Don't hate. Don't fear. Don't reject what's in front of you, as it is always there for a reason. Don't escape from your circumstances anymore. Learn to embrace them and to love them with all your heart! Don't escape from yourself anymore either. Learn to embrace every single aspect of who you are. Celebrate all your differences, and all your unwanted characteristics. Dance with it! Smile at it. Give it a hug. It needs it so bad. It needs your approval, it's been waiting for it for ages! Don't hide it anymore from others, don't give in anymore into the fear of being judged and not accepted. Don't be a slave anymore to what others will think of you, if you start dancing on the street. If you start telling it as it is. If you refuse to alter who you are so you could fit in. Be different! Be unique. Be yourself. There is not a better, more liberating feeling, than being true to yourself! Don't waist your time anymore. There is no need to wait.
So if Buddha was right, it means that we might be indeed in trouble here... We might think that we have more time that we actually do...So why wait then? Why do we want to keep postponing the inevitable change that has to take place within ourselves? Why do we keep resisting it with such stubbornness, while kicking and screaming to avoid the discomfort that comes with such change?
I don't know about you, but I'm done with this kicking and screaming. I am ready to be who I really am (as opposed to knowing it on intellectual level only) and I am ready to live in such new way.
What is that mean? It means I commit to the new me. I commit to always being forgiving, accepting, compassionate and loving. I commit to the Truth. I commit to feeding the part of me that has understanding for everything and everyone, instead of feeding my ego. Trust me, if anyone knows how challenging that can be, it would be me...
My ego had been bruised so many times, it's not even funny. But each bruise assisted me with liberating myself from the grasp that the ego had on me. Each pain, and each hurt was nothing but a true blessing. It brought me that much closer to remembering who I really am, -- who we all are -- and thus it brought me to a realization that the hurt (the harm) is not real!!!! That the harm is only an Illusion, like everything else in this physical world. If we look beyond the Illusion, we will see that there is nothing else but unconditional love!!! We will see that each and every single one of us is made of such love, and thus we all have nothing else but love for each other. Our fear, our anger, and even our hatred is not real. It's pretend. It's only a game that we play with each other. On a deeper level, on a level where we remember who we really are, -- fear, hatred [insert here any negative and painful emotion you wish] simply does not, and could not -- exist!
How liberating is that. But I would understand if you would start shaking your head right now, while saying things like: "Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's all beautiful, isn't it. Maybe for you, not for me. You don't know what it's like to be me and to live my life."
Well, actually, I do. Just because I was able to free myself from the Illusion does not me that I am the next Dalai Lama, and that bad things don't happen to me anymore, or that I don't get affected by it.
Just yesterday, my husband had told me that he wants to divorce me. I agreed to sign the papers. I agreed to move on without resisting the unwanted situation, and without putting up a fight. Of course this isn't the first time the two us have had the 'divorce talk'. Discussions that led to considering of such possibility were brought up by both of us in the past. Somehow we've learned to endure the hardships brought by the institution of marriage, and we've learned to deal with it while always trying to do our best. Still, does it it hurt to feel rejected by someone who you love and with whom you planed to spend the rest of your life? You bet it does. Is it painful to know that the person you've been the most intimate with doesn't seem to want you around them anymore? Of course it is. Have I been tempted to nourish the self-destructive thoughts, such as -- "obviously I'm not good enough"? Yes, I have been, many times. And even though I know that the main reason my husband told me what he told me, is not because he actually wants the divorce, but it is because he hopes that by threatening with it, he will make me change -- it still hurts. How do I know all that? I know it because I did the exact same thing to him before. I've tried changing my husband while using the divorce threat, before I finally understood that the only person I can change is me.
Fortunately, I am not left without a choice here. It is up to me to decide whether I chose to be bitter, vindictive, and full of anger (hatred), or whether I chose to be understanding and compassionate instead. And so I chose to understand that the reason my husband could not love me the way I expected, and hasn't felt loved by me the way he expected, is not because we did not love each other. It was because we did not know how to love ourselves! It was because we were looking for the love outside of ourselves; -- in a partner, where it doesn't exist. We failed (both of us) to look for, - and to depend on - the love within ourselves, and within ourselves only. This understanding allows me to see the pain that my husband feels, and it allows me to understand how such pain made him to arrive to such decision of going separate ways. I cannot hate him for something he has no control over (since he cannot see it). I can only be grateful for everything he gave me, and for everything he taught me about myself. I can only be grateful for the time we've shared together, and which played the major role in my overcoming of depression. Without him next to me it would be a lot harder, if possible at all, to heal from my chronic depression, and to reach the liberation -- not just from depression, but on the spiritual level as well. He's been there for me in more ways than he even probably recognizes. He's been there to assist me with waking up, even though he hasn't realized that yet. In that sense, he gave me more than I could ask for. Therefore, all I have to do is to keep reminding myself that I only have control over myself, and no one else. And that the control over my own self, my thoughts, my emotions, and all that -- is all that I need.
So if I could tell you anything, it would be something that we were all told from the beginning:
"Love thy enemy."
Don't hate. Don't fear. Don't reject what's in front of you, as it is always there for a reason. Don't escape from your circumstances anymore. Learn to embrace them and to love them with all your heart! Don't escape from yourself anymore either. Learn to embrace every single aspect of who you are. Celebrate all your differences, and all your unwanted characteristics. Dance with it! Smile at it. Give it a hug. It needs it so bad. It needs your approval, it's been waiting for it for ages! Don't hide it anymore from others, don't give in anymore into the fear of being judged and not accepted. Don't be a slave anymore to what others will think of you, if you start dancing on the street. If you start telling it as it is. If you refuse to alter who you are so you could fit in. Be different! Be unique. Be yourself. There is not a better, more liberating feeling, than being true to yourself! Don't waist your time anymore. There is no need to wait.
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1 comments:
i talked of life in summers for some time now...quite a few summers in fact....this is the only place ive read or seen anyone else use the same terminology )) did you think of that or is it a famous quote?
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