A More Comprehensive Guide To Overcoming Depression -- Be A Free Thinker!

January 15, 2015

There's Nothing Wrong With You, My Dear!

You've had a rough time in your life, haven't you?

Me too, by the way, if it makes you feel any better.

But, what's even worse is that you haven't been able to enjoy the few things that did go wright in your life because of the burden that you've been caring in your mind.

You were told from the very beginning that there was something not quite wright about you.

You may even still recall as a kid being asked: "What's wrong with you???!"

Now, as an adult you keep "raping" yourself with that same kind of inquiry...

You are hurting yourself this way and you need to stop doing that.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with you, my dear!

Do I need to repeat that? OK then: YOU are PERFECT just the way you are, and the only thing that's wrong with you is that you think that there's anything wrong with you...

Your depression, your mood-swings and whatever the hell else that you think is undesirable about you - is just as perfect too.

Let me tell you something: you didn't come to this world to obtain sainthood. You came already as a saint. Yes, it takes a saint person to renounce the total freedom that your Soul is made of, and to take on this enormous challenge of being trapped in a physical body!

So then give yourself a well deserved break, would you?

Stop beating yourself up with that nonsense that's been piled upon you since you were little. You are simply magnificent, and I'm here to remind you about that. You are priceless, and it's time that your outside world starts to reflect that.

And yes, you ARE the center of the universe! Don't let anyone make you feel otherwise.

What, you think because you get angry, for example, that you don't "qualify" for perfection? My dear, your anger is what makes you perfect. Your anger is a beautiful emotion that's been misunderstood, and therefore mistreated by pretty much everyone. Your anger is like a fire, or a hot volcanic lava that burns whatever needs to be destroyed, so the new life, the new beginning can form.

From now on stop apologizing for getting mad. 

Oh, so you think you're lazy? Can you explain to me then how is it that your entire body, including your precious mind, is working full time, 24/7? What, you doubt that it takes a lot of energy for your heart to pump that blood throughout your entire body? Or, do you think it's easy for your liver to keep sorting between the nutrients and all the other crap that needs to be expelled?

Have you ever tried cleaning your house, especially your bathroom?... When you were done, were you exhausted from it or did you feel like you were ready to take on the world...?

If your body ain't lazy (if you're reading this, I assume you're alive, so it means it didn't quit working) and you are part of your body, then why do you insist on proving to the world that you're anything but lazy?

Fire the word "laziness" from your dictionary. Or give it a new meaning...

The list can go on and on.

Stop trying to change yourself. Change your perception of who you think you are. 

 Little bit about me:

Now residing in Honolulu, Hawaii, Polish-born Elzbieta Pettingill is a former fashion model, author and survivor of depression. She suffered abuse and rape in her childhood, and was subsequently diagnosed with a depression that followed her from childhood through to adulthood. Let down by the medical and psychological establishments, and realizing that only she could change her mind, Elzbieta overcame her depression in her 30’s through a process of conscious spiritual awakening, a story that forms the basis of her book: “Life Realized” – available now on

December 21, 2014

Don't Feel Bad When You Snap

People affected by depression are the most sensitive individuals you'll ever encounter. What you don't know though is that they pay a very high price for being this sensitive. 

Their sensitivity makes them vulnerable to the outside world built on self-serving values, which are excused with sayings like "survival of the fittest." 

Depressed people are often guilty of making one of the biggest mistakes - putting others needs before their own.

They have a tendency to keep everything bottled up until they can no longer control their justified (very much so) rage. 

Then one day they finally snap...

What happens next is even worse... Immediately after "losing it" they become easy targets for unsolicited judgment and criticism coming from every direction.  

Friends and family start to fire suggestions: "Maybe it's time to see a shrink?" 

At the shrink's office they learn that even though their feelings about this particular situation were valid, their response to it was not...  

So what do they do? The only thing they've been allowed to do so far; keep suppressing their emotions even further...

And so the cycle continues...

Well, isn't it time to break it? I'd say so. 

If you suffer from depression don't expect others to break the cycle for you. You will have to be the one who breaks that chain. 

How? Very simple. You need to make a conscious decision to allow yourself to get mad without feeling bad about it.


Do not apologize for it. Ever! Do not go over in your head, how you should have reacted differently, how you shouldn't have said what you said, and so on and on. STOP IT. Stop yourself from beating yourself up. Don't you see what that's been doing to you? 

Haven't you had enough of being "pissed on" by others? 

I'll tell you something that might be news to you: those you've just snapped at rarely question their ways of treating others.

Sometimes people need to hear what they need to hear. And they need to hear it without sugar coating, without that sweetness in your tone, which they've taken for granted. Am I right? 

Next time when you "lose it," take a moment to observe your thoughts closely. Do you feel the urge to reassure others that you're OK, and not mad anymore even though you know it's not true? If so, you're doing it wrong... 

Be honest. Enough pretending for the sake of troubling others.

Regroup yourself immediately. "To hell with it!" is a phrase that helps me to not feel guilty for finally having the courage to stand up for myself, or as others would say; "snapping." 

Try it, and you'll see how good it feels. Not the snapping part, but the relief that comes from knowing you're not a bad person for expressing your true feelings.

You'll also see how promptly people start showing you more respect. They'll start taking you less for granted too.

This is what it's called: setting healthy boundaries. 

Don't be afraid of rocking the boat. Would you rather that boat end up sinking, unable to sustain itself under the load of crap that's been piled on for so long? 

Little bit about me:

Now residing in Honolulu, Hawaii, Polish-born Elzbieta Pettingill is a former fashion model, author and survivor of depression. She suffered abuse and rape in her childhood, and was subsequently diagnosed with a depression that followed her from childhood through to adulthood. Let down by the medical and psychological establishments, and realizing that only she could change her mind, Elzbieta overcame her depression in her 30’s through a process of conscious spiritual awakening, a story that forms the basis of her book: “Life Realized” – available now on

December 18, 2014

Being Too Nice Contributes to Depression

There is such a thing as being too nice, too giving and too caring.

To overcome depression you must stop the habit of bending over to gain people's approval. I know, it's easier said than done. But no one said it'd be easy...

Those who are affected by depression tend to be people-pleasers. And yet, ironically, quite often they are viewed by others as selfish and self-centered... 

For over three decades I believed in that crap myself. I believed I was selfish and self-involved. I was convinced I had nothing to offer. I also thought that it didn't matter what I thought. That my opinion was less important than anyone else's. It seemed as if I was always living someone else's life. 

Finally, after two major brain seizures caused by a suicide attempt, I stopped living someone else's life and looked deep within... 

Someone Else's Life

I was the child who was "too young to understand things" and therefore to make decisions. My life was run by the grown ups, who weren't able to see the serious damage caused by the primitive belief such as; "children should be seen but not heard."

Then later, I became an young adult, clinging to any guy who'd find anything whatsoever appealing in me. At that time my looks seemed to have the only value in the eyes of others. 

I wasn't myself. I wasn't who I am. I was a "slave" to anyone who was willing to have me in their life. The fear of rejection always steered my thoughts into the direction that led others to benefit from it more than I did. 

How tiring was that! How exhausting it is having to constantly put others before your own self! And how little reward you get at the end of it...

All this, so you can can keep deluding yourself that someone cares about you, at least enough to stick around. For a while, at least.... 'till they get tired of it. 

Then what do you do when the inevitable happens and when they leave? You blame yourself, of course. Consciously, or subconsciously, your already low self-esteem gets reinforced. It spirals downward in a lightening speed and you get even more depressed, thinking that there is no tomorrow for you...

Well, there is. And it's a bright one, too! 

You've heard the phrase: "You teach people how to treat you" but you've ignored it so far. Maybe because when you did try to stand up for yourself it always seemed to have back fired. You might even had finally snapped and told others to fuck off, which they deserved to hear, only to find yourself being labeled as too aggressive and not "lady-like." 

Well dear, who the fuck gives a damn? Who cares what others think and, or say? Let me just remind you - it shouldn't be you. There is only one person in this entire world whose opinion should matter to you, and that is YOU and you ONLY. 

There is only one person in this entire Universe that needs your pleasing, and that person is you.

There is only one person who needs your caring the most, and yes, you've guessed it -  it's you again. 

Just remember this: if you care too much - others will care too little... If you remain too available - others will always remain too busy for you. Without even being apologetic about it, people will always make you wait for them, making you feel as if your time is not nearly as valuable as theirs. You get the picture...

You will encounter resistance from those around you when you start making those long-overdue changes, but that's OK. Have fun with it. See that sense of amusement on their faces and that sense of disbelief... Stare back at them without blinking. 

Be prepared to deal with the consequences of having the courage to do what's right for you. In your mind let go of the fear of not having that job in case your boss decides to fire you. Maybe it means it's time to do something else for a living. 

Be ready to let go of your significant other if s/he continues to refuse to treat you in a new, more loving and respectful way. 

Make yourself OK with being alone for now. Make yourself comfortable with being with... YOU. Get to know yourself. Find out exactly what your needs and desires are and then become unstoppable in fulfilling them! Be selfish. They've accused you of it so many times before, now it's time for you to show others how selfish you can really be! Show them that you mean business... :) 

Renounce the guilt. Let go of it. Completely. It's time to release it. 

Be your number one. Be bold. Be spontaneous. Learn to be yourself in every situation and around everyone. 

This is how you start to love yourself... 

Little bit about me:

Now residing in Honolulu, Hawaii, Polish-born Elzbieta Pettingill is a former fashion model, author and survivor of depression. She suffered abuse and rape in her childhood, and was subsequently diagnosed with a depression that followed her from childhood through to adulthood. Let down by the medical and psychological establishments, and realizing that only she could change her mind, Elzbieta overcame her depression in her 30’s through a process of conscious spiritual awakening, a story that forms the basis of her book: “Life Realized” – available now on

Top picture taken by Deb McGuire

September 24, 2014

Developing Psychic Abilities is Actually Easy

Recently I've noticed that at times I'm able to "sense" otherwise unknown information about strangers I encounter.  

The first time this happened to me I was in a car with a woman whom I just met literally few minutes before. While chatting with her I almost immediately begun to have a feeling that I was in a "presence" of diabetes.  

The strange sensation and my persistent thoughts "confirming" it weren't simply going away.  So I finally changed the topic of our conversation with a direct question:

"Do you have a diabetes?" I asked. 

The woman squinted her eyes while looking straight at me.

"Yes, I do." She answered. 

I explained to her the reason why I asked such personal question. She seemed more intrigued than surprised. 

About a week later, I met a guy who within the time frame of introduction, before he even got the chance to speak, gave me a feeling that he was from New York City. It was that same strong sensation I had when conversing with the woman who had diabetes. Curious to know whether in fact my intuition has been sharpening lately, I asked him:

"Are you from New York City?" 

He turned his head around to look, I guess, for the possible source of my information. I laughed. 

"How did you know?" He asked me in reply. I explained to him what has been happening to me lately. 

"This is freaking me out!" He said half jokingly, half seriously. 

I know, this stuff is pretty new to me too, but I have some ideas as for what could be responsible for my ability to know things in such intuitive way. 

Reason number 1: 

I believe that  a while ago when I made a conscious decision to always follow my heart and to never ignore my gut feeling, was when I started to enhance my psychic abilities. I am convinced that every single one of us is born with such skills. While growing up we lose this incredibly useful tool since we are taught at an early age to ignore (suppress) our feelings. 

In the society we live in, being well educated, being smart and clever is more important than being intuitive. If you think about it; almost everyone seems to value more the level of IQ over the inner wisdom. And that's what sharpened intuition (psychic abilities) is -- an inner wisdom we all possess, and which sadly only few seem to be able to access. 

It only makes sense that unless we use something on regular basis, we run into a risk of losing it....

So, if we continue to keep giving all the importance to our minds, and our brains, while ignoring our feelings, chances are we'll never know how truly intelligent we are! 

Reason number 2:

I have a good reason to suspect that my decision of becoming a vegan had also something to do with this phenomena. Since my assuming of this drastic change in my dietary habits, I've noticed that my mind has been a lot more sharper as well. I tend to "pick up" on people's energy a lot faster, and with more accuracy than I used to when eating "regular" food. 

No matter what I am being told, and no matter what body language the person I'm conversing with is assuming, I can sense whether I'm hearing the truth, or not. It does get very interesting. I admit, I've been having some fun with it... :) 

This "phenomena" (I feel like not being able to do this is more phenomenal-like, actually) continues to amuse me. It seems to be not limited to space, for example. I can have those sensations while conversing with someone online who's distant from me as well. 

The "funny" part is that all this hasn't been freaking me out at all. It seems perfectly natural. I feel as we're all able to do so. 

Finally, reason number 3:

I've got a feeling that my decision of consciously forgiving and accepting everything, including myself, had a lot to do with this recent development. 

It's almost as if forgiveness and acceptance had cleared whatever negative energies I've been surrounding myself with for so long. Forgiveness, as well as gratitude and positive thinking allowed me to access, what some might call; a higher level of energy. Hence, it's very probable that my recent experiences are "sponsored" by higher vibrations. 

Visualizing of what I desire, (as opposed to focusing on what I hate) as well as acting as if I already have everything I want, may have also a lot do with with all this. 

Obviously, all those observations are simply my conclusions, not some scientific facts, of which I really don't care too much about.  

If you've enjoyed this article share your opinion (experience) below in the comments' section. :) 

Have a great day everyone! 

August 12, 2014

How I Intend to Re-Revolutionize the Entire Mental Health Care System

Someone had asked me today: "Why do you want to re-revolutionize the entire mental health care system, and how exactly do you plan to accomplish that?" 

The question made me realize how confused we've all been when it comes to this topic. The phenomena of depression and suicide particularly has been misunderstood greatly, for ages. We've made some baby-steps when it comes to talking openly about those issues, but we still have long way ahead of us.

Overall, the media still seems to prefer discussing some frivolous topics over those serious ones, and there is nothing more serious than death through suicide...

You don't see that many guest-speakers on late night TV shows talking extensively about depression. I guess when it comes to programs on TV, same rule applies here as in every day life - Let's all stay away from the negativity!

Depression and suicide are obviously viewed that way. Bringing the painful subject up in a conversation is considered to be such a buzz-killer. If you happened to be the brave one, and you try mentioning it, watch how fast everyone around you just starts to remember that they had something else to do, that they had to be someplace else...

With the world losing yesterday Robin Williams due to depression and suicide, suddenly there seems to be panic spreading around. Suddenly, more and more people realize that positive attitude, lots of laughter, being admired by millions, and a life-style to be dreamed of - is not enough to keep anyone safe from depression. 

Suddenly, it becomes unmistakably obvious that even the best rehab centers do not necessarily know what they are doing... 

Now, who am I to dare to even suggest that I know what it takes to successfully overcome depression? I don't have PhD in psychology (and thank God for that,) nor am I any type of doctor. But I have my experience. For over three decades I've battled with depression and suicidal tendencies. 

I was able to overcome my life's biggest challenge when I finally, after numerous suicide attempts, decided to dig for the answers within myself. My website describes this inner journey that I took, and what I've discovered. My book describes my journey around the world, which eventually led me towards looking within myself. 

So to answer the previous question: I intend to re-revolutionize the entire mental health care system by doing what I've been doing here. By sharing with the world my experience, and yes, my knowledge too. By encouraging others to look within themselves. By inspiring others to talk openly about their depression without feeling embarrassment, or any kind of discomfort. 

By serving as a poster-child for depression and suicide, if you will. 

By living my life to its fullest... By reminding anyone who's in the dark right now, that there is indeed a light at the end of this tunnel called depression...  

Little bit about me:

Now residing in Honolulu, Hawaii, Polish-born Elzbieta Pettingill is a former fashion model, author and survivor of depression. She suffered abuse and rape in her childhood, and was subsequently diagnosed with a depression that followed her from childhood through to adulthood. Let down by the medical and psychological establishments, and realizing that only she could change her mind, Elzbieta overcame her depression in her 30’s through a process of conscious spiritual awakening, a story that forms the basis of her book: “Life Realized” – available now on

July 17, 2014

Don't Be Afraid of Me

When I was depressed and suicidal people always seemed to shy away from me. Even my own family appeared to be intimidated by me and my condition. No one knew how to talk to me. 

I could see the fear in everyone's eyes and in their body language. I could sense it in the energy coming from them.

It hurt like hell. It made me feel rejected, unwanted and overall gross. Sometimes I even wondered if I smelled bad... I used to keep checking my breath by blowing the air into the palm of my hand in an attempt to figure out whether my bad breath was the reason for the apparent discomfort I was causing in others. 

I used to wonder: "Am I talking too much? Am I too self-involved? Am I too self-centered? Why is everyone in such a hurry to walk away from me?" 

But nothing I had ever tried made any difference. The more I continued with trying to please others, the more annoyed everyone seemed to be with me. 

In school no one wanted to sit next to me. At home wasn't that much different. Everyone was involved with their own existence. Mine had way too much darkness around it and no one was eager to have their energy sucked by it. 

Loneliness and the sense of being a burden to others were the closest "friends" I had. 

I was overwhelmed with a sense of feeling ashamed. Ashamed of not having a real friends. Ashamed of always having to be by myself. When I finally got married in my mid-thirties, I remember thinking to myself: 

"I finally met someone who's not afraid of being around me. Well now everyone will know that there is nothing wrong with me. People won't be afraid of me anymore. The women won't have to picture in their heads me going after their husbands. I won't pose any threat to them anymore. Everyone will know that I am normal. Everyone will know that I am acceptable."

Luckily for me, when I finally started the process of my 'inner healing,' I begun to see my old way of thinking for what it was -- a pure nonsense. 

I stopped caring about what others thought of me. I released the fear of being not approved. In order to do that, I forced myself to accept everything completely. I forced myself to forgive and accept the rejection. It was the only way for me in which I was able to heal this old emotional wound that I made myself carry around for so long. I finally embraced myself.

And so here I am today, doing everything I can to assist others with doing the same. I'm grateful for having allowed myself the change from within me to finally take place. I'm grateful for the possibility to encourage the positive change in the world around me as well.

I want to see people not being afraid of anyone anymore. I want this world to be a place where judgment and bad stigmas derived from it are considered to be totally uncool. I want to see people hugging each other more often. I wanna live in a neighborhood where neighbors view each other as extended family. Where no one is forced to lock their doors, or their hearts for that matter. Where children are being raised with love by the entire "village" as opposed to being left alone in front of the big TVs.

Where resources are being gladly shared. Where the diversities are being cherished, celebrated and utilized as an exciting way of learning new things.

I wanna find myself living in a new world in which indifference, intolerance and hatred is just something that we can all barely recall...

Consciously or subconsciously -- this is what every depressed person wishes for.

This is why we get depressed in the first place...

If you're reading this and you're depressed, I challenge you to help to heal this world by starting to forgive and accept yourself, others, and everything around you.

If on the other hand you've never had the privilege of going through prolonged depression in your life, I challenge you to renounce the fear of depression and people affected by it. I challenge you to make their journey of the recovery a lot less bumpy by showing them that even though you can't fully understand them, that you support them. Just keep in mind that a depressed person is a human being desperately attempting to break free from the limiting boundaries created by our human minds.

Little bit about me:

Now residing in Honolulu, Hawaii, Polish-born Elzbieta Pettingill is a former fashion model, author and survivor of depression. She suffered abuse and rape in her childhood, and was subsequently diagnosed with a depression that followed her from childhood through to adulthood. Let down by the medical and psychological establishments, and realizing that only she could change her mind, Elzbieta overcame her depression in her 30’s through a process of conscious spiritual awakening, a story that forms the basis of her book: “Life Realized” – available now on

June 22, 2014

Depression: Birth of a Healer

Have you been affected by prolonged depression, or any other "mental disorder" for that matter? If the answer is yes, then you, my dear are a very, very special person. 

It's time for you to know what an incredible gift you are to this world. You didn't come here by chance. You weren't born in this particular physical body, with those particular genes that made you predisposed to depression or some other mental "issues" without a reason. 

You came here to heal yourself and to assist others with healing. You were not born to lose this battle -- you were born to win it! YOU were born to HEAL. Your existence is absolutely crucial in the healing of this crazy world we found ourselves living in. 

It may sound overwhelming but it really isn't. Besides, if anyone can tackle well the feeling of being overwhelmed, it would definitely be you! A person that deals on a daily basis with depression, suicidal thoughts and all kinds of other mental disturbances, becomes more than proficient in enduring adversities. 

You my dear, are that person, aren't you? 

Your life, and whatever circumstances you found yourself in (created by you, although mostly subconsciously) had prepared you very well for your job. Nothing that happened to you, or with you -- was ever an accident. There is no such a thing as "accident" in the language of the Universe and you, above all other things are not, nor ever had been an "accident". You were never a mistake even though there may have been times when you were made to believe so.

In fact, you were made to believe a bunch of things that was just a crap, nothing else but a pure crap. For example, you were made to believe that you were insignificant and that you didn't matter, but nothing could be any farther from the truth! 

Chances are that when you were little, the good people that took care of you then, always seemed to you to be too busy, and too preoccupied with fighting with their own issues. Consequently, they never took the time to listen to you, to REALLY listen to what you had to say, and to hear you out. By doing so, unknowingly they inserted  a message directly into your subconscious that said -- y o u      d o n ' t     m a t t e r. 

But this isn't a time to blame anyone for anything. Your parents, your grandparents, or any other guardians and significant role-models from your childhood, they all did their absolute best considering the understanding and the awareness they had at that time. 

Now it's the time to alter your beliefs. The time has come when your entire belief system has to be re-examine, and this self-examination has to be done thoroughly. I won't sugar coat things for you: this WILL hurt. In fact, it will hurt like hell! But you, my dear, have been to hell so many times already, you probably can't even recall when was the last time you weren't in hell... Am I right?

The only way that I know of (that worked for me) and which leads out of this mental hell is by going THROUGH that hell all over again, but with a different set of mind this time. This time you will be armed with proper tools. That's why I'm here, to share with you the tools I've used in the process of healing myself. 

There is no doubt in my mind that this is gonna be the hardest thing you'll ever have to do, but guess what, if you don't, things are not gonna get any easier anytime soon. In fact, things will continue to get worse until you'll reach the breaking point and you won't be able to resist any longer the necessary shift that has to occur within you. That's exactly what happened to me. This is what I would tell myself: "If the only way out of this storm is by powering through the very center of this tornado, then no matter how much it's gonna hurt or how scary it will get, lets just walk though it and be done with it once and for all! I'm done with living in this constant fear and I'm done with this constant misery!" 

This storm, this tornado is within you. Some religions may refer to these things as demons, or devils. But all those scary "monsters" are nothing else but your own unwanted, undesirable emotions that have been waiting for ever to be validated. They've been waiting to be accepted, in other words to be loved. And you are the only one who can do that. You are the one that has what it takes to feed those hungry "monsters," in other words those painful emotions that refuse to leave you in peace. 

You start by acknowledging them. To do so, you need to learn to observe your emotions very closely. Chances are that you will need to stop numbing your feelings first. More likely than not, in order to survive, you've learned how to avoid the emotional pain. You distracted yourself from it by engaging in different self-destructive habits such as overeating, drinking excessively, watching too much TV, or even working too much and too many hours, always trying to stay busy, you name it. The habits that are usually considered to be the "good habits" such as working out, working many hours to catch up with the bills, or even constantly doing things for others are the most dangerous of all, because they are the hardest to acknowledge. 

Now you will need to stop trying to run away from all your emotional pains and you will need to learn to face it instead. Next time you'll feel depressed, ask yourself: "What kind of emotional pain is responsible for bringing me down in this particular moment?" Then examine the answer very closely. Are you angry, for example, because of what someone did or failed to do? Watch the anger and try to remember whether this feeling seems very familiar to you. Have you experience the same kind of rage when you were little? If so, who were the people that brought such emotion in you at such early age? In your mind, revisit them. Let yourself feel the intensity of your anger directed towards them, as much as you can. Exaggerate if you need to. Feel the pain without looking for a way to alleviate it. Allow yourself to feel the intensity of the hatred that's in you towards these people that hurt you. Allow yourself to cry, and perhaps even to scream at them, but do it in the privacy of your own room. Don't start picking up the phone and don't start calling your parents or your ex, to let them know how much they've hurt you. With this inner work you are starting to heal yourself from within and the outside world needs to be left alone.  

Take as much time as you need to go through this process, just remember not to remain stuck in this step, and to move forward whenever you're ready. 

The next step is even harder than the first one. Now you will need to consciously forgive that person which upset you in the present moment, as well as the people in the past that caused this particular pain in you when you were little. Force yourself if you have to. I had to. You will encounter resistance, which it's very normal, but don't get discouraged. In some instances it took me days, in other it took me months before I was ready to forgive a particular pain. Just remember, the sooner you'll forgive -- the sooner your healing will be completed. 

A very important thing to remember is that a true forgiveness comes with a total acceptance. You can't forgive if you can't accept whatever it is that you're trying to forgive. You absolutely must stop trying to change things outside of yourself. For example, if your significant other reminds you of one of your parents, and keeps driving you nuts, -- stop nagging him or her, hoping it will force a change. Keep reminding yourself that your spouse is acting the way he or she does only to show you your old unresolved issues. Be grateful then for this reminder and have faith that once you'll heal and let go of that hurt, the situation in your marriage will get resolved on its own. It will. 

Also, remember this; forgiveness takes time. You can't just snap your fingers and declare that you forgive everything and everyone. It doesn't work that way. Be prepared to be tested because you will be. As a matter of fact, as you'll begin this process you will start noticing that things are getting even worse. And that's a good sign; it means you are doing it correctly! It means you are not slacking on your homework. 

Reminding myself that all this pain was temporary and keeping faith that whatever issue I was facing as well as the emotional pain that it was bring in me, would go away soon enough, was absolutely crucial to me. 

When you start experiencing deep sadness, be very glad. No, don't try replacing your sadness with being joyful, or anything. Feel that sadness with all your heart. Be glad -- because that deep sadness you are starting to feel is a very first sign indicating that the forgiveness in you has started to take place. 

One of the most useful tools that helped me with forgiveness was having compassion and trying to put myself in "other people's shoes". We've all done things that have been done to us. The fact is that more than often when we fail to forgive someone, and when we judge that person harshly, we become just like that person. 

If you struggle with letting go of something that seems too big to forgive, remember not to try to find any kind of explanation for what happened. If you were abused or neglected like I was, you will never find a good reason that would explain why it happened. You will never be able to make any sense out of it, and that's OK. Make peace with that.  

The more you'll forgive -- the more understanding you'll have. You don't need to understand everything while forgiving. The understanding and the clarity comes after forgiveness is completed. And with this new understanding it will be very easy for you to see your own set of beliefs, how it got there in the first place, and most importantly how to replace it with a new one that will serve you, and not against you. 

Finally, while going through this painful but also very rewarding process, it's very useful to start teaching  our mind to generate visualizations on how we want the things to be. At some point you will need to stop focusing on what you hate, dislike, and how you wish it was different, and you will need to make the effort to focus on things that you desire, and your focus will have to remain on those things only. 

I wanna share with you an article I read this morning: What a Shaman Sees in a Mental Hospital

As always, thank you for being here. Enjoy the video I made a while ago in which I talk about my experience with overcoming painful past experiences: 

Little bit about me:
Now residing in Honolulu, Hawaii, Polish-born Elzbieta Pettingill is a former fashion model, author and survivor of depression. She suffered abuse and rape in her childhood, and was subsequently diagnosed with a depression that followed her from childhood through to adulthood. Let down by the medical and psychological establishments, and realizing that only she could change her mind, Elzbieta overcame her depression in her 30’s through a process of conscious spiritual awakening, a story that forms the basis of her book: “Life Realized” – available now on

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