I was convinced that acceptance and forgiveness were for losers.
I believed that if I stopped resisting my reality, things would never change. That it was my job to hate my life, and everything in it, including myself, since nothing was the way it was supposed to be. That it was my responsibility to get angry at everything, especially at God, for if I didn't, I'd be letting everyone know (God including) that it was OK to treat me like shit.
The anger gave me a false sense of empowerment. I had the right to get upset, and no one could take that away from me. Only I could decide whether or not to get pissed off. Only I had control over it, no one else did. That was the ONLY thing I was in charge of... Everything else seemed to be in someone else's hands. It was up to God, whether I lived or not. It was up to the government, whether the minimum wage I've earned was going to be 6 dollars and 55 cents, or $7.25 per hour. It was up to my landlord to fix the broken pipes. It was up to whomever I ended up living with, to make sure I didn't feel alone. And so on and on.
Then why would I want to let go of the anger, if it was the only thing in which I had the final say?
Why would I even try to forgive and to accept my reality, or myself for that matter? What for? And let's say, even if I did, could such drastic change of mind deliver real benefits to me?
Well, as it turned out later, it actually did....
Here's the list of some of the effects that forgiveness and acceptance, which I eventually decided to apply, have had on me and my life:
- It gave me peace of mind
- It solved my sleeping problems
- It scared my reoccurring nightmares away and it replaced them with more peaceful dreams
- It made me less irritable
- It cured my overactive bladder
- It took away my anxiety, along with my worries
- It put a smile on my face
- It made me laugh more often
- It took away my depression
- It took away my seriousness and my sadness
- I was rejuvenated by it
- I was re-energized by it
- My life became revitalized
- It reconnected me with my 'inner child'
- It reconnected me with my 'higher self'
- It made me more compassionate
- It rekindled my passion
- It rekindled my love for life
- It rearranged my beliefs
- It soothed my neurotic, always traveling over the speed limit thoughts
- It put me in touch with all my feelings and emotions
- It healed my past and my old wounds, and prevented me from being affected by the new ones
- It introduced me to the person that had changed my life for ever; it introduced me to my 'authentic self'
- It took my loneliness away
- It brightened my world
- It brought me joy
- It gave me a new sense of appreciation towards my own self especially
- It released me from the grip that forming judgment had on me
- I was freed from the prison called 'what will people think of me' by it
- All the "charges" against my own self and the old resentments were dropped, because of it
- The Universe begun to guide me through my dreams and signs with a higher frequency
- The people in my life started to show me respect and love, without me trying to force it
- It gave me an authentic sense of being in charge
- It took away my destructive need of being controlling, something which my husband appreciates the most
- It improved all my relationships; with myself, my family, and my friends
- It made me more present
- It made me more grateful
- It sharpened my mind
- It made me more beautiful
- It made me who I always wanted to be!
- It made me write again
- It opened my heart that was previously not only closed, completely out of order, but shattered into pieces
- It opened and balanced all 7 of my chakras; it made me capable of not only feeling the energy flowing through me freely, but even capable of seeing the aura sometimes
- It sharpened my instinct
- It gave me a sense of unity for which I've been longing (what it felt like) for ever!
- It gave me a sense of belonging
- It helped me to turn my pain and suffering into my wisdom
- It showed me new possibilities that I could not even dare to imagine that did exist
- It showed me what I am really made of -- an everlasting energy that creates everything, including my physical body, through a process known as thinking
- It showed me what love really is
- To summarize; it had changed me, and with that -- it changed my life!