Super Thrilled You've Stopped By!!!

 

This is my new blog: fromfoodtolove.com

Many of you have written to me saying that you've been enjoying reading my posts, encouraging me to continue. Sadly, I had to take quite a long break. 

But now -- I'm back! I have a new website/blog in which I write about my route to recovery from chronic pain, depression, and anxiety through food. 

Join me there to watch my progress as I learn how to prepare healthy, gluten-free, and mostly raw meals. 

See you there!

Elzbieta 

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There's Nothing Wrong With You, My Dear!

You've had a rough time in your life, haven't you?

Me too, by the way, if it makes you feel any better.

But, what's even worse is that you haven't been able to enjoy the few things that did go right in your life because of the burden that you've been carrying in your mind.

You were told from the very beginning that there was something not quite right about you.

You may even still recall as a kid being asked: "What's wrong with you???!"

Now, as an adult you keep "raping" yourself with that same kind of inquiry...

You are hurting yourself this way and you need to stop doing that.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with you, my dear!

Do I need to repeat that? OK then: YOU are PERFECT just the way you are, and the only thing that's wrong with you is that you think that there's anything wrong with you...

Your depression, your mood swings, and whatever the hell else that you think is undesirable about you - are just as perfect too.

Let me tell you something: you didn't come to this world to obtain sainthood. You came already as a saint. Yes, it takes a saint person to renounce the total freedom that your Soul is made of, and to take on this enormous challenge of being trapped in a physical body!

So then give yourself a well-deserved break, would you?

Stop beating yourself up with that nonsense that's been piled upon you since you were little. You are simply magnificent, and I'm here to remind you about that. You are priceless, and it's time that your outside world starts to reflect that.

And yes, you ARE the center of the universe! Don't let anyone make you feel otherwise.

What, do you think because you get angry, for example, that you don't "qualify" for perfection? My dear, your anger is what makes you perfect. Your anger is a beautiful emotion that's been misunderstood and therefore mistreated by pretty much everyone. Your anger is like a fire or a hot volcanic lava that burns whatever needs to be destroyed, so that new life, the new beginning can form.

From now on stop apologizing for getting mad. 

Oh, so you think you're lazy? Can you explain to me then how is it that your entire body, including your precious mind, is working full time, 24/7? What, you doubt that it takes a lot of energy for your heart to pump that blood throughout your entire body? Or, do you think it's easy for your liver to keep sorting between the nutrients and all the other crap that needs to be expelled?

Have you ever tried cleaning your house, especially your bathroom?... When you were done, were you exhausted from it or did you feel like you were ready to take on the world...?

If your body ain't lazy (if you're reading this, I assume you're alive, so it means it didn't quit working) and you are part of your body, then why do you insist on proving to the world that you're anything but lazy?

Fire the word "laziness" from your dictionary. Or give it a new meaning...

The list can go on and on.

Stop trying to change yourself. Change your perception of who you think you are. 

  A little bit about me:

Now residing in Honolulu, Hawaii, Polish-born Elzbieta Pettingill is a former fashion model, author, and survivor of depression. She suffered abuse and rape in her childhood and was subsequently diagnosed with depression that followed her from childhood through to adulthood. Let down by the medical and psychological establishments, and realizing that only she could change her mind, Elzbieta overcame her depression in her 30s through a process of conscious spiritual awakening, a story that forms the basis of her book: “Life Realized” – available now on Amazon.com

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Don't Feel Bad When You Snap

People affected by depression are the most sensitive individuals you'll ever encounter. What you don't know though is that they pay a very high price for being this sensitive. 

Their sensitivity makes them vulnerable to the outside world built on self-serving values, which are excused with sayings like "survival of the fittest." 

Depressed people are often guilty of making one of the biggest mistakes - putting others' needs before their own.

They have a tendency to keep everything bottled up until they can no longer control their justified (very much so) rage. 

Then one day they finally snap...

What happens next is even worse... Immediately after "losing it" they become easy targets for unsolicited judgment and criticism coming from every direction.  

Friends and family start to fire suggestions: "Maybe it's time to see a shrink?" 

At the shrink's office they learn that even though their feelings about this particular situation were valid, their response to it was not...  

So what do they do? The only thing they've been allowed to do so far; is keep suppressing their emotions even further...

And so the cycle continues...

Well, isn't it time to break it? I'd say so. 

If you suffer from depression don't expect others to break the cycle for you. You will have to be the one who breaks that chain. 

How? Very simple. You need to make a conscious decision to allow yourself to get mad without feeling bad about it.

DON'T FEEL BAD WHEN YOU SNAP. 

Do not apologize for it. Ever! Do not go over in your head, how you should have reacted differently, how you shouldn't have said what you said, and so on and on. STOP IT. Stop yourself from beating yourself up. Don't you see what that's been doing to you? 

Haven't you had enough of being "pissed on" by others? 

I'll tell you something that might be news to you: those you've just snapped at rarely question their ways of treating others.

Sometimes people need to hear what they need to hear. And they need to hear it without sugar coating, without that sweetness in your tone, which they've taken for granted. Am I right? 

Next time when you "lose it," take a moment to observe your thoughts closely. Do you feel the urge to reassure others that you're OK, and not mad anymore even though you know it's not true? If so, you're doing it wrong... 

Be honest. Enough pretending for the sake of troubling others.

Regroup yourself immediately. "To hell with it!" is a phrase that helps me to not feel guilty for finally having the courage to stand up for myself, or as others would say; "snapping." 

Try it, and you'll see how good it feels. Not the snapping part, but the relief that comes from knowing you're not a bad person for expressing your true feelings.

You'll also see how promptly people start showing you more respect. They'll start taking you less for granted too.

This is what it's called: setting healthy boundaries. 

Don't be afraid of rocking the boat. Would you rather that boat end up sinking, unable to sustain itself under the load of crap that's been piled on for so long? 

A little bit about me:

Now residing in Honolulu, Hawaii, Polish-born Elzbieta Pettingill is a former fashion model, author, and survivor of depression. She suffered abuse and rape in her childhood and was subsequently diagnosed with depression that followed her from childhood through to adulthood. Let down by the medical and psychological establishments, and realizing that only she could change her mind, Elzbieta overcame her depression in her 30s through a process of conscious spiritual awakening, a story that forms the basis of her book: “Life Realized” – available now on Amazon.com

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Being Too Nice Contributes to Depression

There is such a thing as being too nice, too giving, and too caring.

To overcome depression you must stop the habit of bending over to gain people's approval. I know, it's easier said than done. But no one said it'd be easy...

Those who are affected by depression tend to be people-pleasers. And yet, ironically, quite often they are viewed by others as selfish and self-centered... 

For over three decades I believed in that crap myself. I believed I was selfish and self-involved. I was convinced I had nothing to offer. I also thought that it didn't matter what I thought. That my opinion was less important than anyone else's. It seemed as if I was always living someone else's life. 

Finally, after two major brain seizures caused by a suicide attempt, I stopped living someone else's life and looked deep within... 

Someone Else's Life

I was the child who was "too young to understand things" and therefore to make decisions. My life was run by the grown-ups, who weren't able to see the serious damage caused by primitive beliefs such as; "children should be seen but not heard."

Then later, I became a young adult, clinging to any guy who'd find anything whatsoever appealing in me. At that time my looks seemed to have the only value in the eyes of others. 

I wasn't myself. I wasn't who I am. I was a "slave" to anyone willing to have me in their life. The fear of rejection always steered my thoughts in the direction that led others to benefit from it more than I did. 

How tiring was that! How exhausting it is having to constantly put others before your own self! And how little reward you get at the end of it...

All this, so you can keep deluding yourself that someone cares about you, at least enough to stick around. For a while, at least.... 'till they get tired of it. 

Then what do you do when the inevitable happens and when they leave? You blame yourself, of course. Consciously, or subconsciously, your already low self-esteem gets reinforced. It spirals downward at lightning speed and you get even more depressed, thinking that there is no tomorrow for you...

Well, there is. And it's a bright one, too! 

You've heard the phrase: "You teach people how to treat you" but you've ignored it so far. Maybe because when you did try to stand up for yourself it always seemed to have backfired. You might even have finally snapped and told others to fuck off, which they deserved to hear, only to find yourself being labeled as too aggressive and not "lady-like." 

Well dear, who the fuck gives a damn? Who cares what others think and, or say? Let me just remind you - it shouldn't be you. There is only one person in this entire world whose opinion should matter to you, and that is YOU and you ONLY. 

There is only one person in this entire Universe who needs your pleasing, and that person is you.

There is only one person who needs your caring the most, and yes, you've guessed it -  it's you again. 

Just remember this: if you care too much - others will care too little... If you remain too available - others will always remain too busy for you. Without even being apologetic about it, people will always make you wait for them, making you feel as if your time is not nearly as valuable as theirs. You get the picture...

You will encounter resistance from those around you when you start making those long-overdue changes, but that's OK. Have fun with it. See that sense of amusement on their faces and that sense of disbelief... Stare back at them without blinking. 

Be prepared to deal with the consequences of having the courage to do what's right for you. In your mind let go of the fear of not having that job in case your boss decides to fire you. Maybe it means it's time to do something else for a living. 

Be ready to let go of your significant other if s/he continues to refuse to treat you in a new, more loving, and respectful way. 

Make yourself OK with being alone for now. Make yourself comfortable with being with... YOU. Get to know yourself. Find out exactly what your needs and desires are and then become unstoppable in fulfilling them! Be selfish. They've accused you of it so many times before, now it's time for you to show others how selfish you can really be! Show them that you mean business... :) 

Renounce the guilt. Let go of it. Completely. It's time to release it. 

Be your number one. Be bold. Be spontaneous. Learn to be yourself in every situation and around everyone. 

This is how you start to love yourself... 

A little bit about me:

Now residing in Honolulu, Hawaii, Polish-born Elzbieta Pettingill is a former fashion model, author, and survivor of depression. She suffered abuse and rape in her childhood and was subsequently diagnosed with depression that followed her from childhood through to adulthood. Let down by the medical and psychological establishments, and realizing that only she could change her mind, Elzbieta overcame her depression in her 30s through a process of conscious spiritual awakening, a story that forms the basis of her book: “Life Realized” – available now on Amazon.com

Top picture taken by Deb McGuire

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Developing Psychic Abilities is Actually Easy

Recently I've noticed that at times I'm able to "sense" otherwise unknown information about strangers I encounter.  

The first time this happened to me I was in a car with a woman whom I just met literally a few minutes before. While chatting with her I almost immediately began to have a feeling that I was in the "presence" of diabetes.  

The strange sensation and my persistent thoughts "confirming" it weren't simply going away.  So I finally changed the topic of our conversation with a direct question:

"Do you have a diabetes?" I asked. 

The woman squinted her eyes while looking straight at me.

"Yes, I do." She answered. 

I explained to her the reason why I asked such a personal question. She seemed more intrigued than surprised. 

About a week later, I met a guy who within the time frame of introduction, before he even got the chance to speak, gave me a feeling that he was from New York City. It was that same strong sensation I had when conversing with the woman who had diabetes. Curious to know whether, in fact, my intuition has been sharpening lately, I asked him:

"Are you from New York City?" 

He turned his head around to look, I guess, for the possible source of my information. I laughed. 

"How did you know?" He asked me in reply. I explained to him what has been happening to me lately. 

"This is freaking me out!" He said half-jokingly, half-seriously. 

I know, this stuff is pretty new to me too, but I have some ideas as to what could be responsible for my ability to know things in such an intuitive way. 

Reason number 1: 

I believe that a while ago when I made a conscious decision to always follow my heart and to never ignore my gut feeling, was when I started to enhance my psychic abilities. I am convinced that every single one of us is born with such skills. While growing up we lose this incredibly useful tool since we are taught at an early age to ignore (suppress) our feelings. 

In the society that we live in, being well-educated, and being smart and clever is more important than being intuitive. If you think about it; almost everyone seems to value more the level of IQ over the inner wisdom. And that's what sharpened intuition (psychic abilities) is -- an inner wisdom we all possess, and which sadly only a few seem to be able to access. 

It only makes sense that unless we use something on a regular basis, we run into a risk of losing it....

So, if we continue to keep giving all the importance to our minds, and our brains, while ignoring our feelings, chances are we'll never know how truly intelligent we are! 

Reason number 2:

I have a good reason to suspect that my decision to become a vegan had also something to do with this phenomenon. Since my assumption of this drastic change in my dietary habits, I've noticed that my mind has been a lot sharper as well. I tend to "pick up" on people's energy a lot faster, and with more accuracy than I used to when eating "regular" food. 

No matter what I am being told, and no matter what body language the person I'm conversing with is assuming, I can sense whether I'm hearing the truth, or not. It does get very interesting. I admit, I've been having some fun with it... :) 

This "phenomenon" (I feel like not being able to do this is more phenomenal-like, actually) continues to amuse me. It seems to be not limited to space, for example. I can have those sensations while conversing with someone online who's distant from me as well. 

The "funny" part is that all this hasn't been freaking me out at all. It seems perfectly natural. I feel as if we're all able to do so. 

Finally, reason number 3:

I've got a feeling that my decision to consciously forgive and accept everything, including myself, had a lot to do with this recent development. 

It's almost as if forgiveness and acceptance had cleared whatever negative energies I've been surrounding myself with for so long. Forgiveness, as well as gratitude and positive thinking, allowed me to access, what some might call; a higher level of energy. Hence, it's very probable that my recent experiences are "sponsored" by higher vibrations. 

Visualizing what I desire, (as opposed to focusing on what I hate) as well as acting as if I already have everything I want, may have also a lot to do with all this. 

Obviously, all those observations are simply my conclusions, not some scientific facts, which I really don't care too much about.  

If you've enjoyed this article share your opinion (experience) below in the comments section. :) 

Have a great day everyone! 

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How I Intend to Re-Revolutionize the Entire Mental Health Care System

Someone had asked me today: "Why do you want to re-revolutionize the entire mental health care system, and how exactly do you plan to accomplish that?" 

The question made me realize how confused we've all been when it comes to this topic. The phenomena of depression and suicide particularly have been misunderstood greatly, for ages. We've made some baby steps when it comes to talking openly about those issues, but we still have a long way ahead of us.

Overall, the media still seems to prefer discussing some frivolous topics over serious ones, and there is nothing more serious than death through suicide...

You don't see that many guest speakers on late-night TV shows talking extensively about depression. I guess when it comes to programs on TV, the same rule applies here as in everyday life - Let's all stay away from the negativity!

Depression and suicide are obviously viewed that way. Bringing the painful subject up in a conversation is considered to be such a buzz-killer. If you happened to be the brave one, and you try mentioning it, watch how fast everyone around you just starts to remember that they had something else to do, that they had to be someplace else...

With the world losing yesterday Robin Williams due to depression and suicide, suddenly there seems to be panic spreading around. Suddenly, more and more people realize that a positive attitude, lots of laughter, being admired by millions, and a lifestyle to be dreamed of - is not enough to keep anyone safe from depression. 

Suddenly, it becomes unmistakably obvious that even the best rehab centers do not necessarily know what they are doing... 

Now, who am I to dare to even suggest that I know what it takes to successfully overcome depression? I don't have PhD in psychology (and thank God for that,) nor am I any type of doctor. But I have my experience. For over three decades I've battled with depression and suicidal tendencies. 

I was able to overcome my life's biggest challenge when I finally, after numerous suicide attempts, decided to dig for the answers within myself. My website describes this inner journey that I took, and what I've discovered. My book describes my journey around the world, which eventually led me to look within myself. 

So to answer the previous question: I intend to re-revolutionize the entire mental health care system by doing what I've been doing here. By sharing with the world my experience, and yes, my knowledge too. By encouraging others to look within themselves. By inspiring others to talk openly about their depression without feeling embarrassment, or any kind of discomfort. 

By serving as a poster child for depression and suicide, if you will. 

By living my life to its fullest... By reminding anyone who's in the dark right now, that there is indeed a light at the end of this tunnel called depression...  

Little bit about me:

Now residing in Honolulu, Hawaii, Polish-born Elzbieta Pettingill is a former fashion model, author and survivor of depression. She suffered abuse and rape in her childhood, and was subsequently diagnosed with a depression that followed her from childhood through to adulthood. Let down by the medical and psychological establishments, and realizing that only she could change her mind, Elzbieta overcame her depression in her 30’s through a process of conscious spiritual awakening, a story that forms the basis of her book: “Life Realized” – available now on Amazon.com

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Don't Be Afraid of Me

When I was depressed and suicidal people always seemed to shy away from me. Even my own family appeared to be intimidated by me and my condition. No one knew how to talk to me. 

I could see the fear in everyone's eyes and in their body language. I could sense it in the energy coming from them.

It hurt like hell. It made me feel rejected, unwanted, and overall gross. Sometimes I even wondered if I smelled bad... I used to keep checking my breath by blowing the air into the palm of my hand in an attempt to figure out whether my bad breath was the reason for the apparent discomfort I was causing others. 

I used to wonder: "Am I talking too much? Am I too self-involved? Am I too self-centered? Why is everyone in such a hurry to walk away from me?" 

But nothing I had ever tried made any difference. The more I continued trying to please others, the more annoyed everyone seemed to be with me. 

In school, no one wanted to sit next to me. At home wasn't that much different. Everyone was involved with their own existence. Mine had way too much darkness around it and no one was eager to have their energy sucked by it. 

Loneliness and the sense of being a burden to others were the closest "friends" I had. 

I was overwhelmed with a sense of feeling ashamed. Ashamed of not having real friends. Ashamed of always having to be by myself. When I finally got married in my mid-thirties, I remember thinking to myself: 

"I finally met someone who's not afraid of being around me. Well now everyone will know that there is nothing wrong with me. People won't be afraid of me anymore. The women won't have to picture in their heads me going after their husbands. I won't pose any threat to them anymore. Everyone will know that I am normal. Everyone will know that I am acceptable."

Luckily for me, when I finally started the process of my 'inner healing,' I began to see my old way of thinking for what it was -- pure nonsense. 

I stopped caring about what others thought of me. I released the fear of being not approved. In order to do that, I forced myself to accept everything completely. I forced myself to forgive and accept the rejection. It was the only way for me in which I was able to heal this old emotional wound that I made myself carry around for so long. I finally embraced myself.

And so here I am today, doing everything I can to assist others with doing the same. I'm grateful for having allowed myself the change from within me to finally take place. I'm grateful for the possibility of encouraging positive change in the world around me as well.

I want to see people not being afraid of anyone anymore. I want this world to be a place where judgment and bad stigmas derived from it are considered to be totally uncool. I want to see people hugging each other more often. I wanna live in a neighborhood where neighbors view each other as extended family. Where no one is forced to lock their doors, or their hearts for that matter. Where children are being raised with love by the entire "village" as opposed to being left alone in front of the big TVs.

Where resources are being gladly shared. Where the diversities are being cherished, celebrated, and utilized as an exciting way of learning new things.

I wanna find myself living in a new world in which indifference, intolerance, and hatred are just something that we can all barely recall...

Consciously or subconsciously -- this is what every depressed person wishes for.

This is why we get depressed in the first place...

If you're reading this and you're depressed, I challenge you to help heal this world by starting to forgive and accept yourself, others, and everything around you.

If on the other hand, you've never had the privilege of going through prolonged depression in your life, I challenge you to renounce the fear of depression and people affected by it. I challenge you to make their journey of recovery a lot less bumpy by showing them that even though you can't fully understand them, you support them. Just keep in mind that a depressed person is a human being desperately attempting to break free from the limiting boundaries created by our human minds.


Little bit about me:

Now residing in Honolulu, Hawaii, Polish-born Elzbieta Pettingill is a former fashion model, author and survivor of depression. She suffered abuse and rape in her childhood, and was subsequently diagnosed with a depression that followed her from childhood through to adulthood. Let down by the medical and psychological establishments, and realizing that only she could change her mind, Elzbieta overcame her depression in her 30’s through a process of conscious spiritual awakening, a story that forms the basis of her book: “Life Realized” – available now on Amazon.com

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